Marriage and the Support
April 2023 edition
When it comes to the path of Dhamma, the marriage and the relationship between a husband & wife is something we should understand deeply. Rejecting and insulting the spouse disrespectfully or speaking against the marriage is not something letting go of an attachment, or the path of Nibbana. So, let’s discuss what we misunderstood and what we are missing in this subject of marriage through this editorial.
In deep Buddhist teachings the subject of marriage is neither encourage or discourage. From Samma Sambuddha to most of the other Noble disciples have gone through the marriage life in their lay life and it shows how they have used the marital affairs to develop the greatest qualities which required for the path of nirvana.
In this relationship one learns to respect another human being, develop trust and being trustworthy to another. Also being grateful and satisfied and content with what already received. Patience, forgiveness, friendship and many more. Many can’t think about the marriage life without considering the Sexual relationship. That’s why many beliefs and it has become a “Not so nice topic” to discuss with the Buddhist Teachings. But, in this case many misunderstand that marriage is not just about sex or producing kids. This is where many misunderstand the marriage and ruined their relationship even which leads to divorce and many chaos.
If you are already married and interested in the deep Buddhist teachings, then you should observe deeply about your relationship with your spouse. Look deeply how you support each other, how much respect you both are giving to each other, how to develop a true friendship within, how to trust and be truthful to each other, try to develop a relationship which is beyond just a sexual relationship.
In the life of Gautama Samma Sambuddha, the blessed one has proven this respectful attitude towards to the wife of noble one’s lay life. We all know her as Princess Yashodhara whom later also become a great Arhath Theri. After becoming a Samma Sambuddha, the blessed one visited the palace where Princess Yashodhara refuse to meet the blessed one at publicly. She demanded to meet the blessed one at her place. But Samma Sambuddha never insulted or being disrespectful towards her. Instead, the blessed one visited her and let her, shower her pain, and showed how she deserved that for the given support.
Even after becoming an Arhat, Ven. Yashodhara Theri visited Samma Sambuddha and express the long-term relationship they had throughout Samsara and how they supported each other to end the samsaric journey. And being grateful and at the same time asked forgiveness if there is any false happened throughout this journey. And then took permission to end the Samsara by completing the Nibbana, where no birth happens again. That’s also shows the quality of a real woman who understood her role perfectly.
If you observe the journeys of many noble ones, including all the Samma SamBuddhas, the relationship of their spouses has been magnificent. They used their marriage lives to develop such noble qualities and make it useful to the path of Nibbana.
So, one should understand insulting and disrespecting another being is surely not the path of nibbana. So, if you are married already, use it for the benefits of each other as well as to the other beings. Develop the greatest needful qualities like noble friendship, trust, respect, gratefulness, gratitude, admiration etc. Make it beyond physical and that will guide you to the deep teachings of Buddhism which ends the Samsaric Journey.
You should know that this is not an encouragement to the ones who are still not married. This is to understand how to use the martial affairs to the benefit of developing the path of nibbana if you are already married. Because I have noticed many believes it is as a burden to the path of nibbana. Also, I have noticed how, many believe that insulting and being disrespectful towards the spouse is a way of showing how they have not attached to the marriage. So, understand the depth of the subject. Deep Buddhist Teachings explain everything subjected to our existence. We should not ignore the certain topics or ignore discussing them in a supportive way by being afraid of the topic, as it may encourage the existence. Rejecting and disrespectfully letting go of anything creates another bond, another attachment which is based on the hatred, Ill-will or harmful intentions. Such methods of letting go is also can be described as the “Vibhava Tanhā” “craving for non-existence”. So, Buddhist teaching is about understanding and ending all types of craving and for that we need to observe deeply into all the possible topics which are related to our lives. So, my dear Dhamma friends be Wise! Observe Wise!
Instead of making each topic as an encouragement to the existence, make them and use them as an encouragement to END this existence! If you are married, then develop the noble qualities through it and end this journey of Samsara. If you are NOT married, try to understand how a new relationship & attachments can possibly become a reason to make you delay to end this journey of Samsara. So, at the end of the topic as you see this is not about how to get married and make the journey little bit longer with happily married life. This is all about how to be content and develop the skills to end the journey of Samsara! Have a blessed time, dear all! Also, you can read about being a true lover to your spouse through this editorial!